Internet Dating: Love and War
Posted by: Sarah on: January 4, 2012
- In: Adults | Dating | Love | relationships | Sex | Women
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As many people start out 2012 newly or still single the top question becomes…where are all the elgible, datable, and not totally (pardon the expression) “barfy” people? The internet is becoming ever more popular as an alternative to bars etc. for finding single people to date, but how to sort through the potential, shall we say “not so ideal types”?
We are looking for a few good sites, a few good men, a few good women, a few good future potential mates. Ok, we will settle for 1! ”We” being the collective dating scene of the world.
I am looking for the low down on “Plenty of Fish”, “Ok Cupid”, “Chemistry.com”, “EHarmony”, “Match.com” etc. Please comment if you have stories good or bad about using these sites.
So far it seems that “keep fising” is the order of the day. Learn to evaluate your “catch” quickly and know when to through it back!
Remember that you are amazing and worth loving no matter how many internet dates crash and burn in the first 3 minutes!
Hard to Get: Playing hard to get is still the way to go
Posted by: Sarah on: October 4, 2011
- In: Adults | Dating | Love | Men | relationships | Sex | Teen Boys | Teen Girls | Teens | Teens and Sexuality | Women
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As crazy as it seems playing “hard to get” still works. This does not mean endless games, but it does mean taking a deep breath, and having more patience than most of us possess. Wait for the other person to make a move if you have at least laid down some hints. There is something primal about “the chase” and if it ends to quickly the “chaser” may lose interest.
This is especially true for sex or “hooking up”. If things move too quickly any relationship potential is pretty much toast, and not in a tasty breakfast food kind of way. Be patient and relax. Make them work for you, and they will want you that much more!
You are amazing and worth the wait! Make them chase you for a while, and they might just see all the amazing qualities you possess beyond your beautiful/handsome looks.
Relationships: Is this person “the one”?
Posted by: Sarah on: September 21, 2011
- In: Adults | Dating | Love | Men | Moms | relationships | Sex | Teen Boys | Teen Girls | Teens | Teens and Sexuality | Women
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How do you know you have the “right one”? The person who will lead to happiness. This is a hard question on a lot of levels, and some of the most important things to consider are:
Can you see your future without them?
Are you committed to the relationship through thick and thin?
Do you want similar things for the future? (house, kids, dog, no kids, apartment, city life, suburb life etc.)
How do they feel about their family?
Do you continuously strive to have better communication with this person?
Are you able to take care of yourself, and still put them first at times if needed?
Is there any substance abuse in the relationship? (Possible deal breaker)
Is there any emotional/physical /or sexual abuse in the relationship? (Deal Breaker!)
Does this person make you strive to be your best self? The self you can be proud of?
Do they build your self-esteem by noticing the things that make you amazing and you?
These are just the tip of the ice burg on things to consider, and they are a good start. Communication is the biggest component in a healthy and happy long-term relationship. If you can figure that out you can accomplish just about anything!
Remember how amazing and worth loving you are as you decide if you are with “the one”.
Teen Girls and Body Image: How we are losing the war
Posted by: Sarah on: September 20, 2011
- In: Adults | Dating | Love | Moms | Parents | Parents of Teens | relationships | Sex | Teen Girls | Teens | Teens and Sexuality | Women | Young Girls
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Were did we go wrong? Is it the magazines with super skinny models? The TV shows full of people who must not eat? The air-brushed bill-boards?
When did we as a society make all the teenage girls, and women for that matter, feel so bad about the way their bodies were created that they want to starve themselves to live up to an impossible ideal? How did dieting become a bazillion dollar industry?
This week look at the teen age girls in your lives and notice their amazing minds. Notice how caring they are. Notice all the gifts and talents they may have forgotten they had in the their pursuit of the impossible. Praise them for just being them.
Teen girls are amazing and worth loving just the way they are. Don’t let them forget it!
Women and Sex: How your self-image impacts sexuality
Posted by: Sarah on: July 11, 2011
- In: Adults | Dating | Divorce | Moms | Parents | Parents of Teens | Parents of Young Children | relationships | Sex | Teens and Sexuality | Women
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We all know that the way we view ourselves has an impact on how we feel. If we don’t feel good about our outside it can be hard to feel good about our inside. How does this impact sex? It might seem obvious that feeling less than attractive on the outside can lead many women to shy away from sexual experiences.
What is to be done about this? Part of the answer is to stop focusing so much on your outer appearance. Stop looking in the mirror unless you have to put in contact or put on make-up (btw you look awesome without it anyway!). Start to think about who you are from the inside out. Be careful about your exposure to magazine etc. that feature virtually unattainable women’s bodies.
Talk to your partner about your concerns and get in touch in your own mind with your road blocks to intimacy. Take a look at the other factors in your life that are intimacy killers. More to follow on this subject!
Remember that you are amazing and worth loving no matter how many body parts you can name that you hate, and start looking within for what you love!
Teens and Parenting: What they still need as they grow
Posted by: Sarah on: July 7, 2011
As kids transition from children to pre-teens to teens a few things remain the same for most kids. They still need love, attention, and praise. They also still crave the traditions from childhood like a special cake on their birthday etc. Teens become independant so quickly in our modern society, and it is easy to lose sight of their need for the basics.
This can be especially true if their are younger children in the home who are more demanding for attention. Check in with your teen to make sure they still feel their needs are being met. Make sure they are able to verbalize what they want, and need (not just in material terms). It is an important skill to be able to articulate what you want and what you need to someone else, and it sounds easier than it really is!
You are amazing and worth loving no matter how life gets in the way, find ways to tell others what you need, and find ways to listen to the needs of others in return.
Teens and Drinking: Epidemic?
Posted by: Sarah on: July 6, 2011
It is hard to believe the levels of teen drinking in our communities. Sure there are the small groups of teens who manage to avoid it, and yet most end up drinking at one point or another. This may be anything from an occasional drink at a party, to binge drinking on weekends, to drinking at home in a closet. As parents, friends, family, and community members how do we keep our teenagers safe?
Does it start out when they are young kids making sure they know how dangerous it can be? Do we wait till they are in middle school, and then let them know that peers might invite them to events that will have alcohol? How do we help them to make decision that will keep them safe?
Can we just tell them never to drink until they are 21 because it is illegal, and dangerous, and can get them in serious trouble and possibly killed?
I have watched many parents raise teens who have all turned out differently. Often within the same family one child will choose to drink while another makes it through college and does not. Granted each child is raised a little bit differently, you would think coming from the same family would have a somewhat congruent effect.
I do not have all the answers, I feel as though a lot of conversations starting at an early age is a good start. If the teen in your life is older it might require a different approach. Talk to them about their experiences with an emphasis on the fact that they will not be “in trouble” for past behavior. Get them to really think about the possible consequences of their actions. Help them figure out their values and motivations, and those of their friends. Hope that they can hold onto this information and decision-making skills once they are tested at a party or with a friend. Always provide a safety net, no questions asked (until the next morning).
Locking them up away from the world in a tower doesn’t work either, they always find a way to climb out, and the crash at the bottom is usually a big one.
Remember that you are amazing and worth loving no matter what approach you take, just keep listening and keep trying!
College Bound: Are You About to Waste Your Money?
Posted by: Sarah on: April 29, 2011
- In: Career | College | Parents of Teens | Teen Boys | Teen Girls | Teens
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Lately I have seen too many college kids with one thing in common: they have no idea what they want to do or how to get there. This may seem typical and ok. We may think, “well of course they don’t know yet”. The problem is that these students are getting degree that may not take them in a direction that will lead to a happy career.
The college students I have seen really wish that someone had had a conversation with them about their desires for the future. They are wishing that someone had asked what they might want to do for work when they get out. Often they will take a career aptitude test at some point in highschool, but they rarely get the results back in a way that is meaningful to them.
If you are blessed enough to be a college bound student, be the parent of one, or work with one do yourself or them a HUGE favor:
Think about the following questions:
What do I want to do for a career/job?
What degree with actually let me do that? Do I need grad school and/or a PhD to do it?
Do I like working inside in an office or outside? Do I want to travel? Do I like meeting new people? Do I prefer computers and/or machines to people?
Once you have answers to some of the above think of places to call or go where they do said job and ask questions, take a look around, see if it fits you.
This list is by no means exhaustive, it is just a way to start thinking about the degree and education you are going to get in a way that might lead to future happiness in a career. Things can definitely change as you go through school etc. just keep thinking about what fits you. Think about your strengths and what will allow you to use them most effectively.
Emotionally Safe Sex
Posted by: Sarah on: January 12, 2011
Is it possible to have emotionally safe sex? The short answer is, it might be. The reason sex is often so dangerous in the emotions department is because the two people engaging in the act are often not on the same page.
(Example: it is a first or second date and ”Jane” really likes “Dick”, they have a wonderful date and really hit it off, they decide to go back to her place for a “drink”. Jane ends up having sex with Dick because he seems to really like her. The next day Dick leaves, and does not call her again. Jane is left feeling very upset.)
If you are married or in a serious relationship this may be less of an issue, or maybe not. In dating it is always an issue. How do you know what the other person’s expectation is? If you have not been dating long or it is the first date what does having sex mean? Does it mean the guys wants to date you? Does it mean the girl really likes you? How do you know what the heck it means unless you talk about it?
If you are able to talk about your expectations openly, and honestly you may just be able to guarantee yourself an experience you won’t regret on an emotional level. If you know what you want the experience to mean or what circumstances you are ok with you can make an informed decission.
If you are only ok with having sex in the context of a relationship, make sure you are really in one first. Don’t assume that having sex means that you will be in a relationship with the person afterwards. If you can’t talk about what having sex means to each of you before hand, you should probably be waiting to actually engage in it.
Just remember you are amazing, and worth loving no matter how freaked out the thought of talking about sex makes you!
Sex Before Dating
Posted by: Sarah on: January 10, 2011
- In: Adults | Dating | relationships | Women
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This week three different women have spoken to me about a difficulty in the dating world. What is to blame? Sex before dating. By this I mean Boy Meets Girl…Boy and Girl go on date…boy and girl hit it off and have a great time…boy and girl go back to one of their places and have sex before they get a chance to really date. This senario almost always leads to the guy leaving in the morning, and not calling the girl back or the guy calling the girl back, but with the purpose of “hooking up”.
The three women I spoke to this week were all distraught over the pre-mature demise of the dating relationship. They had really liked the guys, and had slept with them because they saw potential in the relationship. I have a theory about this…I think that guys often place women into categories based on the experiences they have early in the dating relationship. If they have sex on the first date or even the first few dates the girl becomes someone to sleep with once or maybe a few times, and not as long term relationship potential. I could be wrong, and so far it seems like I am not…
This brings me to some rules for dating for long term relationship potential:
Do Not Have Sex for the first month (at least! Even better to wait 2-3 months or longer!)
Date during the day at first: lunch on a weekend for example
Date at night with caution: after an evening date do not go back to the other person’s house or invite them to yours! Keep your clothes on 
)
Start out by rounding the bases with caution: example hold hands, kiss good night etc, etc, etc (but wait for the last etc!!!)
The moral of the story is: unless you are looking for a one night stand take your time. Allow the other person to get to know you and to respect you. Figure out if you trust them before you allow yourself to be vulnerable. You will respect yourself more and they will respect you more as well.
Remeber that you are amazing and worth loving no matter how many times you “mess it up”!
